I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
