Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
