I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
