yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
