i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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