You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
