Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
