Only a mothe r could love this liver
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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