I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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