when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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