goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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