I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
