Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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