FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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