I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
