there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
