i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
