Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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