that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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