Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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