Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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