I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
