I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
