super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
