i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
