Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
