We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
