just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
