Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
