Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
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Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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