you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
