My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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