hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
