Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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