Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
