i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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