Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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