This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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