did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
