Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
