U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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