I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
