This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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