he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
