Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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