You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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