i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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