Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Vodka?
Forever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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