no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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