All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
