He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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