I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Im part way to drunk.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
