I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
