Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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