just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
