i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
