I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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