I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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