your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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