Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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