My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
