I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
