My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
